Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Into the Heart of Darkness

I had to pick up 400 kg of crack cocaine for the Asba boys in Frome today, which involved driving my pimped up BMW convertible down to darkest middle-class Hampshire. I was stuck behind this thing nearly all the way. Isn't it time that lorries were priced off the roads so that just cars could use them? All the freight could go by rail and keep out of the way of decent folk just trying to make a living. And tractor drivers should be shot. And caravanners. And cyclists. And old people.

Later when I managed to pass the idiot lorry using a hand brake turn on a blind corner on the crest of a hill I got stuck behind this tosser. Now I reckon badgers can manage themselves - they've been doing it for hundreds of years since they were released into the wild by Robin Hood and His Merrie Men. Now they have besuited Justins and Damiens forcing them to read Tom Peters, to attend Work Management courses and to go on Team Building rafting expeditions in Mid-Wales.

Deal done, I went into Petersfield to get some good organic food. I felt really scared in Petersfield as it was all coffee shops, estate agents, building societies and bookshops. I didn't see one Asba lad anywhere, even in the bins.

But I did find a Waitrose as Trin's told me I have to shop there to help shed my pseudo-Chav image. I bought a pie, sandwich, a drink and a packet of bagels (thinking they were doughnuts) and it came to over a hundred quid!

However, on a shelf right at the back I found this excellent packet of Lux, with 1 1/2p off! i was well made up! Posted by Picasa


Trinity said...

A pie? You are so embarrasing. People don't buy pies in Waitrose, they buy stilton and brie and humous grapes and shredded lentils on Rye with a nice elderflower blush (slightly fizzy) drink.
Pies tend to be full of things that were once alive.
(Mind a good stilton can be quite lively)

Trinity said...

I hear Penge is particularly good for team building.