my love affair with chavs

This was the scene immediately outside the Health Centre in Hartcliffe on Tuesday. A wonderful array of cigarette ends and, if you look really closely, a Fruit Shoot top.



It brought back fond memories of our stay in Pontins, Brean Sands, last August bank holiday. This was the loevly sight outside our chalet door. Remember, this was 2006, not 1936.



The chavs actually breed and produce semi-viable 'children', larger and pastier versions of real children that shuffle from amusement arcade to fish and chip shop to ice cream van, in a vague attempt to make sense of their world.



This is standard chav fayre, purchased by the case load to provide sustenance between the eight fish and chip meals they consume every day, after hors d'ouvres of Benson and Hedges and Lambrini. 

yes, I was wrong ....

A few weeks ago with petrol touching £1 a litre I said it wasn't going down again ...

I was wrong!

Today at Sainsbury's in Frome it's 86.9p a litre.

Why? It's still getting scarcer by the day, with 10,000 barrels a second being used. Very little new oil is now found. Nobody's suggesting opening new refining capacity. Perhaps the hurricane season had already been factored into the price earlier this year and so far the Gulf coast's been lucky.

Perhaps people are actually using less as a response to the increasingly scary facts and figures coming from the scientists, who to my mind are still wildly over-optimistic. Or perhaps this craven government's pushing secret funds in to keep the price low?

Whatever ...

It's only a blip and the trend is up up up. I may be wrong in the short term but over the long term I'm always right!

Expect £1.10 a litre by the end of 2007. And gold touching $900 an ounce. You heard it here first. 

green transport as we hit peak oil

Well it had to happen. With Peak Oil/Climate Change effects becoming more visible every day I had to get something that will still keep going as the roads break up, the storms and snows hit and everything gets wilder. The Escort Convertible just wouldn't be up to the job.

So this is the new baby, a 1978 Series III Land Rover 88, as tough as old boots and will get me anywhere I need to go or flee to.

And yes, I've had a few comments from the 'Green' brigade. They miss the point - we ain't going to save middle-class society by munching a few lentils, getting a fuel-efficient car and building a chemical toilet in the cabbage patch. Those days are long gone, we missed that chance. 'Green' politics are dead. Anita Roddick is an octogenarian eccentric with a head full of woodpeckers, Jonathan Porritt flaps around trying to tinker with things as they are, the Green Party becomes more and more of a home (of the residential kind) for balding bearded lefties who won't last an hour when things break down, and the true spearheads of post Peak Oil and Global Heating are hard headed capitalist pragmatists who won't blanche at discomfort and excitement as the suburbs and cities implode.

At the same time we learn that 46% of 'business' people think climate change has been blown up out of proportion. LOL! Business people? They're idiots! Fact is that what the media etc have been trumpeting as climate change is just the first soft steps towards climate breakdown, as positive feedbacks really begin to kick in. Rather than being blown up out of proportion it's been watered down so that the chavs, lemmings and luvvies don't get too frightened. Genocide will seem like a kids' party when the real effects kick in! 

bangs, not whimpers

The world isn't going to end any time soon. Not dramatic enough you see. Who'd watch a film about the gradual rise in temperatures, slowly increasing storm levels, average sized population movements, the occasional flood?

Global Warming has none of the glamour or pyrotechics of nuclear war, none of the immediacy of an asteroid strike, none of the sheer fun of giant worms, ants, spiders or tomatoes.

The Day After Tomorrow attempted to pack a decades-long slowdown and stopping of the Gulf Stream into a couple of hours. Deep Impact threatened us with not one but two asteroids. The War of the Worlds had cod-Martians ruining Tom Cruise's day, but you would rather think that aliens with a technology millions of years ahead of ours had mastered the art of quarantine. The Day the Earth Caught Fire was more a nuclear wish-fulfilment than a viable scientific scenario. Armageddon suffered from the inevitable 'Decent If Singular Americans Sacrifice All To Save The World' syndrome. Dr Who and The Daleks Invasion Earth 2150 AD never explained why van design had not progressed since 1960 and why Sugar Puffs adverts hadn't changed in 200 years. The Day of the Triffids had comical big plants chasing blind people around, but the book was so much more subtle and clever.

People need to feel frightened but safe at the same time. Martians and other dangerous fellows need to have weak points. Americans need to selflessly save the world at the last minute. But the real challenge and threat that's facing us is both more subtle and more terminal than anything spoilt rich Americans can think up to earn their next swimming pool under the Hollywood sun. There's no film in it, so the Americans will continue to ignore it until it's too late. Even Katrina is fading in their memories. Global Warming is just not sexy enough to sell. And that's exactly why it's happening.

Me, I prefer Survivors.

slacker ...

A few months ago I had one measly blogsite and was still wet behind the ears. Now I've got five and the downside is that when I'm really busy (more often than not these days!) I don't manage to post every day!

So apologies to those of you that keep signing on here and find the same old post!

It's been one of those weeks, what with posing alongside a tory MP and the Shadow Minister for Culture on the loco (above) at Midsomer Norton and preparing for some DJ stints over the next few weeks, as well as school restarting and having to earn a few quid! And this coming week is even busier with a whole day at the railway tomorrow, a day with Trin on Wednesday and a big cross-country trip to Essex to pick up a Landrover on Friday, plus a gig at the weekend. And all this at an age when sensible (if boring) fuckers are winding down ready for retirement! 

first principles of survival (repost)

We all know that the ultimate double whammy is coming - Climate Change coupled with Peak Oil are going to pack a punch most of us won’t survive. Judging by most people’s behaviour a lot of you are quite happy to be sitting ducks.

But for the non-hippy, non-lemming minority it’s time for us to start planning our own and our families’ survival. There is still time to secure yourself a sort of future, but remember every day wasted will reduce your chances of surviving.

I can’t guarantee anything of course, but if I were you I’d be taking the following action -

If your house is less than 50 feet above sea level sell it as quickly as you can. There are still a few suicidal divvies out there itching for a sea view. If you’re in a city - no matter how high up - make plans to get out ASAP. Again there are still mugs, mired in the past, who actually WANT to live in a city!

Find a small rural property, preferably detached. Ideally you’ll need about an acre of land per family member for food, plus another acre or so per family member for growing wood. A sunny position would be helpful if you plan to continue to use electrical goods. A wood burner is also essential. Remember that once the Gulf Stream fails, winters in the UK will be on average 10 degrees centigrade colder than they are now, although this should soften as global temperatures continue to rise inexorably. Plan for at least 50-100 years of cold winters. If on an exposed site small wind turbines may be useful. A good independent water supply is essential. And it’s no good having the perfect hideaway if it is not in a defensible position. It’s likely that most of us will need to compromise in any case, as few properties will meet all conditions for optimum survivability.

Try not to be too remote - a mile or so from a larger village or small market town would be useful. Some sort of trading is likely to survive PPO. A railway station would be a huge benefit, even a position near a route that is currently closed is better than being on a road! There will be a huge (if desperate) rebuilding of closed railways over the next few decades as roads fall into disuse.

Ease yourself into your new community as you don’t want to be seen as an outsider when things kick off. Communities are likely to close in on themselves as central government breaks down. Start doing favours for your new neighbours, get involved in local initiatives, don’t make enemies, learn and use skills that make you valuable rather than a useless mouth to feed.

Become a jack-of-all-trades. Learn how to work with wood and metal, cook, build, raise animals, grow food. These are all skills that will be useful to you, or to sell or trade with the less capable.

Liquidate your rubbish. Tread more lightly. Go for a minimalist approach to possessions. There are still mugs willing to pay silly prices for useless consumer items. Sell your life on eBay before moving. Buy useful items - axes, saws, woodland, instructional books.

Exchange your money for gold or silver. Paper money will be valueless as things break down. Close bank accounts and turn the cash into gold and silver or woodland.

Sell your car ASAP. Again there are mugs out there who will burden themselves with one of these valueless albatrosses. Petrol will soon be two, three, four, five pounds a litre, and driving will become a hobby for the very rich on an ever-shrinking and increasingly decrepit road network.

Work with nature rather than against it, and face the future rather than hide from it. Survivors need to be strong, sane and grounded, traits that our current lemming society detests and discourages. Look after yourself physically and mentally and respect and protect everything in nature around you in your new life.

And find time to chill out and enjoy yourself!

bye bye red bull ... never again?

Making way to Heaven's Gate through the remains of the (abandoned) day.



Wulf in the circle - sad tents and portaloos behind ...



Impressionistic view over Longleat.



Wulf poses in front of the (unused) VIP tent.

A nice walk up to Heaven's Gate where we found the sad remains of yesterday's ridiculous and unsuccessful 'Red Bull' day.

After four days of having to endure endless 'buzzes' by rich fools in silly planes, the big day dawned on Saturday with rain, drizzle, dullness and strong winds. Despite it being obvious to anyone with the IQ of an ant or above that the show would be abandoned due to the weather, THOUSANDS of oddballs and Londoners in their stupid cars descended on Longleat. They were stuck in traffic for HOURS in the rain. There was not a sound of planes as we sat comfortably in our cottages!

After the walk to Heaven's Gate we called in the Bath Arms. Outside was a car with the numberplate 'R BULL', no doubt Mr Bull was hiding in the pub drowning his sorrows. With a vodka and red bull perhaps? 

the evil that christians spread

'If men and women evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?'

Radstock Magazine, September 2006

If this is the level of christians' engagement with basic science no wonder 100% of the British population consider them irrelevant.

Firstly, if we take the above proposition as true then why wouldn't monkeys and apes continue to thrive wherever they fulfill a viable ecological niche? Whoever has claimed that when something evolves all other creatures vanish? If that were true then there would be just one sort of animal and one sort of plant in the world!

Of course this is the typical leftist propaganda that our less-evolved friends in the church love to spread to their children and anyone else they can corner.

For your information, Darwin said that humans and apes had a common ancestor, not that we evolved from existing apes and monkeys. For anyone with eyes and an IQ of 80 or more it is 100% clear that this is perfectly true - just look at their little hands or stare into their intelligent eyes.

A final point - if evolution didn't happen how would any creature or plant survive once conditions changed? In reality of course we see evolution in action every day, with random mutations happening all the time. Perhaps it is time to rename it the THEOREM of evolution, to shut these idiots up forever! Because without evolution we'll all be dead over the medium to long-term with Climate Change biting hard. We'd better be able to adapt!

pontins chav reflections

The crisp drawer.



Wulf listens carefully for printers ...



None here either Wulf ...

Just a week ago we were enjoying Showaddywaddy at Pontins. It's taken me almost a week to recover.

Pontins is magnificently, unashamedly Chav, though you wouldn't think so by their brochure, which has a lovely middle-class childless couple on the cover, enjoying exotic food in a charming environment.

The reality, apart from the aforementioned Showaddywaddy, included a 'general knowledge' quiz in which EVERY one of the thirty questions was either on football or soaps! There were smokers everywhere, and ashtrays in every corner.

I'd last visited in 1964 and the camp and people had hardly progressed from then.

Brean Sands has an air of vulnerability which kept me a bit on edge throughout. I like living at 450 feet above sea level - no matter how much polar ice melts I'll still be dry. But coastal towns give me the creeps these days, and not just 'cos of the tacky souvenir shops and rolls of burnt tummy fat on the chavs. So I always sleep with one eye and ear open for the sights and sounds of an inrushing sea!