Dateline 2035. Amazingly on a road in Warminster one of the old garages has survived all the upheavals of the last few years. It is believed that this is the last remaining garage in southern England.The Garage Preservation Society has been formed by a small group of car anoraks, former boy racers who used to use the garage thirty years ago to buy crisps, fags and petrol.
Their aim is to buy the site and restore the garage to its original late twentieth century condition. One of the members has an old car and intends to haul it to the garage by horse to display outside. The shop will be reopened selling non-organic pre-packed food, watery lager, stale crisps and old fashioned newspapers including 'Take a Break', 'Weekly Soap', 'Chav World' and 'Wahey, Tits Bums Fannies and Burn Ups for the Lads'.
How to join - send a minimum of 1/2 kilogram soft fruit to
Reg Parker
28a Badger's Retreat
WARMINSTER
Wessex
As well as a monthly magazine you will also be allowed to sit in Reg's car once a year and pretend to drive it whilst honking the horn.
8 comments:
sign me up. I want to sit in Reg's car twice a year though cos I'm special right?
Send a kilo of soft fruit and I'm sure Reg would oblige - if he could slip you past his Doreen, a fishwife of ill repute in west Wiltshire.
whats the definitive soft fruit then? I have a few moldy bananas in the real stainless steel fruit bowl.
We're posh round these parts.
That's a relief. I like my posters posh! I dread to think what a chav would have in its fruit bowl! A soiled nappy perhaps, or a half-chewed toad-in-the-hole?
Soft fruit includes strawberries, raspberries, cloudberries, loganberries, whitecurrants, redcurrants, blackcurrants and nine month old pears. No, technically that last one's a liquid.
Bananas don't count as fruit. They belong to the genus sausage.
there's no such thing as a cloudyberry.
You are of course right - there is no such thing as a cloudyberry!
But cloudberries are lovely, especially in ice cream.
I'm always right. You'll soon learn Mister Oil Slick
Don't you missy me you old canister of chip shop oil. I'm a fully fledged member of the Children Of Artemis. I'll get my gang and sort you out.
One word to you Fairy Liquid.
Hmph.
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