Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Garage Preservation Society.

garageDateline 2035. Amazingly on a road in Warminster one of the old garages has survived all the upheavals of the last few years. It is believed that this is the last remaining garage in southern England.

The Garage Preservation Society has been formed by a small group of car anoraks, former boy racers who used to use the garage thirty years ago to buy crisps, fags and petrol.

Their aim is to buy the site and restore the garage to its original late twentieth century condition. One of the members has an old car and intends to haul it to the garage by horse to display outside. The shop will be reopened selling non-organic pre-packed food, watery lager, stale crisps and old fashioned newspapers including 'Take a Break', 'Weekly Soap', 'Chav World' and 'Wahey, Tits Bums Fannies and Burn Ups for the Lads'.

How to join - send a minimum of 1/2 kilogram soft fruit to

Reg Parker
28a Badger's Retreat

As well as a monthly magazine you will also be allowed to sit in Reg's car once a year and pretend to drive it whilst honking the horn.


Trinity said...

sign me up. I want to sit in Reg's car twice a year though cos I'm special right?

Peak Oil Dreams said...

Send a kilo of soft fruit and I'm sure Reg would oblige - if he could slip you past his Doreen, a fishwife of ill repute in west Wiltshire.

Trinity said...

whats the definitive soft fruit then? I have a few moldy bananas in the real stainless steel fruit bowl.
We're posh round these parts.

Peak Oil Dreams said...

That's a relief. I like my posters posh! I dread to think what a chav would have in its fruit bowl! A soiled nappy perhaps, or a half-chewed toad-in-the-hole?

Soft fruit includes strawberries, raspberries, cloudberries, loganberries, whitecurrants, redcurrants, blackcurrants and nine month old pears. No, technically that last one's a liquid.

Bananas don't count as fruit. They belong to the genus sausage.

Trinity said...

there's no such thing as a cloudyberry.

Peak Oil Dreams said...

You are of course right - there is no such thing as a cloudyberry!

But cloudberries are lovely, especially in ice cream.

Trinity said...

I'm always right. You'll soon learn Mister Oil Slick

Trinity said...

Don't you missy me you old canister of chip shop oil. I'm a fully fledged member of the Children Of Artemis. I'll get my gang and sort you out.
One word to you Fairy Liquid.